


Vices

by robertttsugden



Category: Casualty (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Canonical Character Death, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 04:53:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19244230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertttsugden/pseuds/robertttsugden
Summary: how is Dylan affected by the death of Cal?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a story looking at how Cal's death affects Dylan and his mental health
> 
> So far it mainly focuses on OCD but there will be mentions of his alcoholism as we go on
> 
> I'm planning on this being a longer rather than shorter fanfic, so all the characters in the tags will show up in due time
> 
> thanks :)

Four.

Of course it was four.

It was always four. 

Cal Knight had died in bay four. He had died because of him. It was his fault, he should've had him taken somewhere else. They all died in bay four, and it was always his fault.  
He tried his best, he truly did, but by the time they brought him in his lung had collapsed and had lost a lot of blood, too much blood. God, why couldn't he have found him earlier? He should've found him earlier. It was his fault. Cal was an extremely talented registrar to say the least. He had so much more life ahead of him, time to find a girlfriend- maybe one he could keep this time round- he was going to have kids, he would've been a great father Cal, and that was a fact. He knew he would, after how great he was with Matilda. But above all of this, Cal had a brother. Cal had a brother called Ethan, a brother who he died protecting. They had their moments, but it was undeniable how much love the pair had for one another. All that taken away in the blink of an eye, all because of him. Because of Dylan, the doctor who everyone thought had it under control. But in reality, he didn't. He was back on that downwards spiral he'd found himself on many years ago and doesn't see a way of coming back any time soon.


	2. Chapter 2

This shouldn't be happening, not again. I got this under control after what happened at Zoe and Max's wedding, I almost got myself killed, and Zoe and Charlie. If I hadn't gone back onto that bloody boat and just jumped off with her then she wouldn't have breathed in so much water and ended up as ill as she did- I would've been with her to help. I left her alone, terrified and alone. Charlie wouldn't have had to go in to save her, and end up almost dying from a heart attack. That was my fault too. It was all my fault. 

That's when it finally got across to me that I truly did need help, and I got it. I got myself better, so why am I feeling like this again? Maybe it's because I deserve it. Maybe it's a sign from some omnipresent being who is punishing me for being such a bad doctor, for letting Cal die. 

I wonder how Ethan's coping, I haven't been able to bring myself to speak to him. Not yet. Not knowing what I did. However I have heard that he's back at work without any leave, he must be just trying to ignore the problem and distract himself, get on as normal. But that won't work, it never does. He's going to do more harm to himself than he realises. Mentally, not even the strongest of us is able to cope with that. The majority of us find our jobs rather challenging as it is, and all of that's without knowing your brother was cruelly murdered in cold blood just outside. It's all going to build up and eventually come crashing down on him, and guess who's fault that will all be.   
That's right.   
Mine.


	3. Chapter 3

Red was bad.

Green was good.

 

That's the first memory he had of feeling like this. Feeling like there was just something not right, but there's nothing that he could do to fix it. Whenever he was out in the car, he always knew that if the traffic light was on green, that was good. Everything was okay. But if it was on red, that was a whole different story. If it was on red, that was bad. Something bad was going to happen, he was probably going to die. Obviously, that never happened. Nothing bad ever happened. Not until his dad left, that is.

He'd caught him with this other women, someone from work or some crap like that. He told his mother straight away, she was so naïve, so forgiving it pained him to see her with someone like his father. However, he took this as his chance. His chance to escape with his bit on the side and start a new life. His chance to escape Dylan. 

His mother didn't take it well at all, it wasn't like he was expecting her too, but he wasn't expecting her to react this badly. Never in a million years.

He was the one who found her cold, lifeless body, just three days after he'd left. Sometimes, he thought to himself, was it because she couldn't stand a life alone with me? He knew he was a pain sometimes, but he couldn't have been that bad. But he'll never know what part he played in his mothers death, that doesn't make it any easier though. Infact, it made things ten times harder.

It was all pretty fast from there on, he went into foster care, then med school, then he's found himself as a doctor. He used to think he was a pretty good one, but lately he's been having his doubts. He's doing alright in every aspect of his job that doesn't link to bay four.

Bay four is just like the red traffic light, bad.


End file.
